Reading around at a few blogs this week, I’ve started to wonder if I’m blitheringly insane, or if I’m just missing out on one of the great clandestine joys of womanhood: being a complete bitch.
Do all women secretly hate each other?
I admit that I’ve had a hard time getting and keeping lots and lots of female friends; I just can’t seem to click with most girls. Women seem to me to be easily insulted, quick to pass judgment, willing to tell lies and secrets and play mind games, thrilled to hate others for stupid reasons, excited to end a heated debate with baring fangs to each other and just going for the kill.
I’m hardly ever insulted, I rarely enjoy judging others; instead, I try to approach life open-mindedly, even if unpopular, in order to gain a better understanding of how the world works. I make efforts to point out exceptions to stereotypes in an effort to help someone realize that we’re not really all that different. But, I don’t live on the fringe and shirk majority opinion just because it’s majority opinion. And because I refuse to engage in girl-wars on this or that, I get dropped as a hang-out pal. Evidently, I'm doing it wrong.
I do have a few bitchy urges. I seldom obey them, though, perhaps due to all the psychology training. They come quicker when someone is being unfair to someone I love and it’s hurting them… whether the person bullied be my mate, mom, pop, friend, brother, or whomever. And, I will defend my heart. So, are other women just more loving than I am? That they extend that umbrella of defense and protection to people (real and imaginary) that they barely know and with only part of the backstory? Are they more giving of their hearts? If so, then, I’m even more confused.
It seems that women come together easily when they find common ground, and that fortunately happens quite often. We have lots in common. But, does that ground reset every morning? Do I have to prove my sisterhood over and over just to enjoy the bubble of protection that some banshees are using to declare war on other people? Is it so fragile that I can get kicked off one plot of common ground for stepping on common ground with someone else – is it that black and white? Or maybe, like gang initiation or something, you can’t be in the club until you bring in proof of your allegiance. A scalp. A horsehead in an enemy’s bed. Don't dare sit at the freak-table during lunchtime.
If a person compliments another woman on her outfit, does that automatically imply that mine is ugly?
If a person says "I like your haircut," should I insinuate that she’s oppressed by anti-feminist ideals of womanly beauty and a victim of corporate manipulation into wanting soft and manageable tresses?
When a person asks another woman, "have you lost weight?" Do I immediately need to wonder if she’s probably cheating on her husband, or her taxes, or at scrabble and other heinous acts in which I do not indulge and are clearly preventing me from burning calories?
If a person says "great shoes, I could never wear heels like that," should I assume that the next step for this poor girl is a lifetime of horrors that she’s bringing upon herself for opting not to wear flip-flops like mine, because men never mistreat women who wear comfortable shoes?
If so, I can clearly see that I’m doing it wrong. I believe that women have earned the freedom to feel comfortable and confident in themselves enough to know that their life is the right life for them, and their choices are good. (For them.) That they are lucky in life to be loved and appreciated for the things that matter to them; and that a compliment is just a compliment – not a bold social statement of misogynistic ideals.
Why is it that can’t we all just be kind to one another, lengthen our fuses, and if you disagree with someone (a very likely scenario), feel more free enough to say so… but without the fangs. Mom always told me that pointing a finger at someone leaves three pointing back at you, and she’s got a point. Of course, she IS a woman, too, so… maybe I need to be careful about what I believe, haha.
Of course, I know that men can be quite vicious, too… people in general act horrible in lots of ways, and I wish they didn't, but… I was always (mis)lead as a girl to believe that women have a special solidarity; now I see that it’s one that they seem to be allowed to pick and choose to whom it applies….that said… tell me why you disagree. I’m interested in knowing: what makes women turn bitchy? If I embrace my inner bitch, will I be happier? What am I doing wrong, that being mean to someone just doesn't feel that good to me?